Domestic Violent
As a teacher who is considered as a happy woman, I had
students and friends who came telling their problems. As the
one who is trusted, I gave them my opinion, and suggestions. All of them told
me this, “ I did all you asked me to do, and it worked. Thank you very much” I
always happy to hear that good news.
No one knows I totally lived in pain since I was a
bride in September 1996. My husband never showed me his smile, he was a
real bad temper man. Sometimes he got mad on anything I did that I asked to my
self what was wrong with it. I asked my sons and my housemaid my fault but they
said I didn’t do anything bad at all. It happened almost everyday.
My husband wanted me to do everything with my own
hands even I had someone who helped me. I cooked very early in the
morning, it was about 4:30 am, I left for working at 5:00 am , it
took 1.5 hours by commercial bus, and I was home at 3:45 pm. I always
came on time except when I had meeting with teachers. When I was away
from home, he always texted me three times a day asking “where are you, what
are you doing, with whom you there?” He monitored me so much. But in 2006
I moved to the this school, it’s only five minutes from home still he texted me
three times a day.
My maid took a very good care of my sons and
she waited for me in front of my house every afternoon, she prepared a
glass of hot tea and did a massage on my legs or my back when I came
home. She loved me so much. But my husband always treated her bad. Got mad with
no reason. After he did it to my maid then he did it to me, he treated me
like his maid. After more than a year, she left me because of him. It happened
three times. I decided not to have housemaid no more. It has been
10 years but it’s OK with me. I did everything without complaining.
I cooked, laundering, ironing, house keeping, caring kids , caring
husband who never value me and going to work. Sometimes 24 hours in a day is
not enough for me to do all those works.
When I got pregnant my second child he asked me this
while pointing my stomach, “Whose baby is that?”. I was so surprised but
tried to calm myself down and gave no answer. I didn’t want to argue with him,
useless. He did it three times. I even remember the place; at my mom’s twice
and at my home once. I cried inside, it was so painful. I pray every
night, I want God showed me the truth. Until one day I gave birth in 2002, the
midwife and the doctor said, “He looks like his father.” I was so happy
to hear that.
I don’t know why he was never satisfied making me
cry. One night, he treated me very bad, I was home alone, scared so much,
then I texted my first son who was still at my mom’s, asked him to
go home, “Please go home, papa is getting mad” Only in 10 minutes both of them
came. And my sisters also called me, “ is it OK we stay a night at yours?”
Crying I said, “yes, sure” In 10 minutes they all came with their kids. This
was the FIRST time my sons and sisters saw my tears after more than 18
years my marriage.
I went up stairs with them. My little son (12 years)
cried. He was so mad with his dad who loves him and said, “I can be worse than
him” I cried to see him depressed. This was the situation I was worried
about. My kids saw him many times treated me bad, and now they said they
have to protect me from his father.
Next morning I left my house. I asked my dad (who
visited me to see what was going on at my house) to bring my suitcase because I
don’t want anyone in my society to see me leave that house. I
really don’t want to live with him, I married a wrong man. I hate him so bad. I
have never felt like this before. It was 18 years I kept my pain myself.
And now I have teenagers kids who already know the good and the bad. They do
not allow me to live with him.
He texted me many times asking me to go home. I never
sent my reply. I blocked him on my whatsapp, and facebook. I really don’t want
to see him. He is the one I hate most. But still I let him staying at my house,
the house which I bought a year before our marriage. I don’t like arguing about
it, all I need is “peace”
I was not young when I got married. 29 years was
mature enough. I am a working woman, I traveled a lot, I met many people
and I prepared myselft to accept anything would happen in my
marriage. I promised to myself not to talk about money, and I also would
let him remarry if he needed it, all I want was his smile. I told him hundred
times to value me. But he never did it.
It’s common in my society having abusive relationship.
Sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse. I didn’t have physical abuse but
I was mentally abused. It really made me sick. I could be crazy if I
didn’t leave him. It was getting worse and worse. I used to be a real patient one.
I could stay 18 years with him in that condition. I kept my pain myself. No one
knows about it. Only people who were staying with me at my house know it well.
They said “How could you stay with that man for such a long time?” I had my own
reason for this. I should wait for my kids grow up well that finally they would
respect my decision, “Leaving him” And it came earlier than my plan.
By having this real bad experience, I have a strong
thinking that “Man never respect woman, man never value woman, Man slaves
woman, Man doesn’t have what woman needs that is “smile” ”
I used internet especially facebook to talk to people
from some countries. I have white and black friends. White friends are
people I have ever met but not for the black. I chatted with a singer
“King Tappa” I asked about his song “Domestic Violent” it’s about abusive
relationship. That I use the title here. I didn’t tell him that I
had this experience, but he said, “Most community has an
abusive center. It's always good to let someone know about it. That's how you
start. If there is not community center then create a group. Create
support group. You can also Google it. There are many ways to go about it. I do
not have all the answers but I hope this helps. Don't keep it to your self”
For me it’s a great idea. I can’t tell it to anyone here but I can write it
here.
I don’t need to talk about it with friends because
they will not give me any solutions, it’s me and only me who know what to do. I
just want to say thanks to Tappa who always has time to listen. I am happy to
know a man who has a good heart, at least he treats his wife well. I told to my
sons about it too, “At least I have two daughters in law will be treated good”
I also keep campaigning in my class to
live on love, No bullying and respect the difference.