Domestic Violent ( Slavery at home )

Domestic Violent

As a teacher who is considered as a happy woman, I had students and friends who came  telling  their problems.  As the one who is trusted, I gave them my opinion, and suggestions. All of them told me this, “ I did all you asked me to do, and it worked. Thank you very much” I always happy to hear that good news.

No one knows I totally lived in pain since I was a bride in September 1996.  My husband never showed me his smile, he was a real bad temper man. Sometimes he got mad on anything I did that I asked to my self what was wrong with it. I asked my sons and my housemaid my fault but they said I didn’t do anything bad at all. It happened almost everyday.

My husband wanted me to do everything with my own hands even I had someone who helped me.   I cooked very early in the morning, it was  about 4:30 am,  I left for working at 5:00 am , it took 1.5 hours by commercial bus,  and I was home at 3:45 pm. I always came on time except when I had meeting with teachers.  When I was away from home, he always texted me three times a day asking “where are you, what are you doing, with whom you there?”  He monitored me so much. But in 2006 I moved to the this school, it’s only five minutes from home still he texted me three times a day.

My maid  took a very good care of my sons and she  waited for me in front of my house every afternoon, she prepared a glass of hot tea and did a massage on my legs or my back  when I came home. She loved me so much. But my husband always treated her bad. Got mad with no reason.  After he did it to my maid then he did it to me, he treated me like his maid. After more than a year, she left me because of him. It happened three times.  I decided not to have housemaid no more.  It has been 10 years but it’s OK with me. I did everything  without complaining.  I cooked,  laundering, ironing, house keeping, caring kids , caring husband who never value me and going to work. Sometimes 24 hours in a day is not enough for me to do all those works.

When I got pregnant my second child he asked me this while pointing my stomach, “Whose baby is that?”.  I was so surprised but tried to calm myself down and gave no answer. I didn’t want to argue with him, useless. He did it three times. I even remember the place; at my mom’s twice and at my home once. I cried inside, it  was so painful. I pray every night, I want God showed me the truth. Until one day I gave birth in 2002, the midwife and the doctor said, “He looks like his father.”  I was so happy to hear that.

I don’t know why he was never satisfied making me cry.  One night, he treated me very bad, I was home alone, scared so much, then I texted my first  son who was still at my mom’s,  asked him to go home, “Please go home, papa is getting mad” Only in 10 minutes both of them came. And my sisters also called me, “ is it OK we stay a night at yours?” Crying I said, “yes, sure” In 10 minutes they all came with their kids. This was the FIRST time my sons and sisters  saw my tears after more than 18 years my marriage.

I went up stairs with them. My little son (12 years) cried. He was so mad with his dad who loves him and said, “I can be worse than him” I cried to see him depressed. This was the situation I was worried about.  My kids saw him many times treated me bad, and now they said they have to protect me from his father.

Next morning I left my house. I asked my dad (who visited me to see what was going on at my house) to bring my suitcase because I don’t want anyone in my society to  see me leave that house.  I really don’t want to live with him, I married a wrong man. I hate him so bad. I have never felt like this before. It was 18 years  I kept my pain myself. And now I have teenagers kids who already know the good and the bad. They do not allow me to live with him.

He texted me many times asking me to go home. I never sent my reply. I blocked him on my whatsapp, and facebook. I really don’t want to see him. He is the one I hate most. But still I let him staying at my house, the house which I bought a year before our marriage. I don’t like arguing about it,  all I need is “peace”

I was not young when I got married.  29 years was mature enough. I am a working woman, I traveled a lot, I met many people and  I prepared myselft  to accept anything would happen in my marriage. I promised to myself  not to talk about money, and I also would let him remarry if he needed it, all I want was his smile. I told him hundred times  to value me. But he never did it.

It’s common in my society having abusive relationship. Sexual abuse, physical abuse and mental abuse. I didn’t have physical abuse but I was mentally abused.  It really made me sick. I could be crazy if I didn’t leave him. It was getting worse and worse. I used to be a real patient one. I could stay 18 years with him in that condition. I kept my pain myself. No one knows about it. Only people who were staying with me at my house know it well. They said “How could you stay with that man for such a long time?” I had my own reason for this. I should wait for my kids grow up well that finally they would respect my decision, “Leaving him” And it came earlier than my plan.

By having this real bad experience, I have a strong thinking that “Man never respect woman, man never value woman, Man slaves woman, Man doesn’t have what woman needs that is “smile” ”  

I used internet especially facebook to talk to people from some countries. I have white and black friends.  White friends are people I have ever met but not for  the black. I chatted with a singer “King Tappa”  I asked about his song “Domestic Violent” it’s about abusive relationship.  That I use the title here.  I didn’t tell him that I had this experience, but he said, “Most community has an abusive center. It's always good to let someone know about it. That's how you start. If there  is not community center  then create a group. Create support group. You can also Google it. There are many ways to go about it. I do not have all the answers but I hope this helps. Don't keep it to your self”  

For me it’s a great idea. I can’t tell it to anyone here but I can write it here.

I don’t need to talk about it with friends because they will not give me any solutions, it’s me and only me who know what to do. I just want to say thanks to Tappa who always has time to listen. I am happy to know a man who has a good heart, at least he treats his wife well. I told to my sons about it too, “At least I have two daughters in law will be treated good”  I also keep campaigning in my class to live on love, No bullying and respect the difference.

Bullying at Home.

How  you wake your kids up in the morning?

I was drinking my tea at 5:15 am when I saw a mother woke her son up. I was so surprised to see the way  she did it. “hey! Wake up, wake up. Sholat! Wake up. You wanna go home or not?” she did it by tapping his body many times.

This was not the only case I know. As a teacher I sometimes asked my students how they are treated by their parents. I started my questions from “How did she wake you up in the morning?” most of them  said, “very much noisy, ma’am” when I asked how did they feel about  that, “Made me really bad mood, I was lazy to do anything she asked me to do”  I do understand them well as we know that sleeping is the natural periodic suspension of consciousness during which the powers of the body are restored or the natural state of rest during which your eyes are closed and you become unconscious. 

 Based on the definition of sleeping above, it’s not right to wake our kids that way.

As a parent we should know how to make  kids comfortable in their house since a house is a place where we can share anything with family. We have love and care in our house. We call it home sweet home.  My son always said to his father, “please stop talking, I can’t  think if  you always talk too much in the morning”

Based on the fact above, I suggest you here to be very careful in waking  them up and treating them  in the morning.

How can we do that?

I will share my own experience that was used by some friends and I got  good news after they applied it in their home.  This may need special time to do that one of my friends said, “I did it, and got very good result but I can’t go on because I don’t have much time only doing this matter.”

This is what I always did every morning.

I came to my son’s room, laid down next to him, carrresed  him and said, “wake up baby, time to pray and school”  I  kissed him many times. Sometimes I sang this song, “Wake up the morning’s over, the bed is soft and warm where we laid, ...” (This girl has turned into a woman song, hehe) My son always held me and said, “later mama” then I kept whispering, “come on darling, you don’t want to come late, do you? Let me lift you down the stairs.” I lifted him down and took off his clothes sent him to the bathroom. Everything’s great  efter bathing. He had breakfast  and talked happily.  I used the time to ask him telling me his experience the day before.  Sometimes I made some jokes. After he did all he must do, time for him to say good bye.

I created  my own way to do this. And it’s not used by many people.  My son kissed my right and left cheek, my forehead and I did the same. We closed it by hugging so tight for about 30 seconds. When doing this, I whispered in his ear this words, “I love you, son. You are my pride.” Then I let him go by waving my hands. “da daaaa”

I got so much good response after sharing this to some friends, and got good news as well. You may try this with your kids. And you will see the different. You will create a happy generation.

LOVE

LOVE

Di  Karibia terdapat daratan dimana  tanaman, burung, dan hewan lain nya dapat di lihat disana, tetapi penduduk disana memiliki karakter yg sangat dikenal di seluruh dunia.

Suatu hari terjadi ledakan besar dari gunung berapi yang berada di sana, sungai sungai meluap menimbulkan bencana banjir yg cukup besar yg belum pernah terjadi sebelumnya. Daratan pun tenggelam , seluruh penduduk harus di evakuasi setelah sempat melarikan diri dari pusat bencana. Penduduk pun berhamburan menuju arah yang berbeda, tetapi ada seorang penduduk, yang bernama Love,  yang begitu mengagumi dan mencintai kampung halaman nya, dia diam tertegun sambil memandangi kampung nya yang sudah tenggelam hingga ke dasar laut, dan dia menjadi saksi atas hilangnya kampung mereka.  Beberapa saat kemudian, Love mendapatkan dirinya terdampar jauh dari kampungnya.  Love berusaha meminta tolong dengan memberi tanda S.O.S.

Gold melintas dengan perahunya, Love pun berkata, “Bisakah saya menumpang perahumu?”  Gold pun menjawab, “Maaf, perahu saya tidak dapat ditambah berat meskipun hanya satu ons.” Lalu Gold melanjutkan perjalanan nya.

Tak lama kemudian melintas Wealth, sekali lagi Love meminta tolong. Dengan wajah datar Wealth pun menjawab, “Tidak ada tempat, lagipula kamu akan mengotori perahu saya.” Love mengalihkan perhatian pada perahu lain yang melintas.

Sampailah mendekat Sadness dengan perahunya. Sekali lagi Love meminta tolong. Sadness pun menjawab, “Maaf sayang, saya lebih suka jalan sendiri.” Love mulai bingung, dan berteriak minta tolong.  Mendekatlah Vanity yang mengenali Love sebagai tetangganya, tapi Vanity berkata, “Badan mu basah, kamu akan merusak perahu saya.”

Love tidak tahu lagi apa yang akan dia lakukan disaat seperti itu. Dia pun bersumpah akan menghancurkan kampung  yang sangat ia cintai.

Perlahan dilihatnya Sickness, Love pun berteriak minta tolong. “Tolong lah saya pak, saya sendirian disini, basah dan kedinginan .” Sickness pun menjawab dengan suara rendah, “Maaf,  kondisi saya tidak memungkinkan untuk  menolong mu.”

Terlihat dari kejauhan dua orang yang melintas diperahu kecil, Selfish dan Jealousy. Love pun memanngil meminta tolong. Love sebenarnya tahu kalau kedua orang ini tidak pernah senang dengan nya tapi Love tidak punya pilihan lain. Selfish dan Jealousy tidak pernah menanggapi Love dan terus saja melaju menyusuri lautan.

Beauty pun melintas dengan perahunya. Sekali lagi Love berteriak meminta tolong. “Tolonglah saya...., bawalah saya dari tempat ini. Saya sudah kedinginan. Dari pagi tidak ada yang peerduli dengan saya.” Beauty pun tidak pernah menanggapinnya. Terus melaju.

Depression melintas dengan kepalanya yang tinggi seperti muncul dari matahari. Love pun kembali memohon,” Oh, sahabat lama ku, Saya memohon sekali, selamatkan lah saya dengan perahumu.”  Depression yakin suara yang dia dengarnya  adalah suara dari surga maka Depression fokus kan perhatian nya ke langit sehingga dia tidak pernah mengenali pemilik suara. Love pun mulai merasa panik, air sudah mencapai setinggi dada. Tiba tiba Love mendengar suara yg agak ramai, itulah suara Feeling  yang melintas mendekat Love. Love pun berteriak dengan paniknya, “Bawalah saya.”  Feeling pun menjawab, “Oh, maaf, saya sedang tidak sehat, saya lebih suka sendiri.”

Love mulai kehabisan tenaga dan hilang harapan. Airpun sudah mulai mencapai kepala. Tiba tiba Love selintas melihat Happiness. Love melambaikan tangan nya sambil berteriak minta tolong. Happiness pun mendawab, “Saya tidak dalam kondisi yang senang menolong mu. Mood saya lagi tidak baik. Saya lebih suka melanjutkan perjalanan sendiri.”

Sorrow melintas dengan perlahan dan tidak bergairah. Love pun memohon, “Tolong bawa saya.” Sorrowpun berucap, “Kamu sangat menyebalkan dan saya tidak punya tempat untuk mu di hatiku, usaha sendiri.”

Love pun melihat Regret muncul dari kejauhan, Love mecoba lagi meminta tolong, “Tolonglah saya.” Regret pun menjawab, “Tidakkah kamu sadar? Kamulah yang membuat masalah dalam hidup saya? Sejak saya  curahkan semua kepercayaan saya hidup saya berantakan, Saya mohon jangan lagi kau mengganggu hidupku, Kalau saya tau kamu akan berbuat seperti itu, sudah lama saya hapus namamu dari hidupku.” Lalu Regret pun memutar perahunya ke arah berlawanan. Sambil melaju, diapun melanjutkan ucapan nya, “Saya tidak akan pernah berteman dengan mu lagi.”

Poor melintas dengan malasnya. Poor menggunakan perahu buatan nya sendiri. Love berusaha memberi tanda untuk menarik perhatian nya, diapun berhasil. Sekuat tenaga Love berteriak meminta tolong, “Oh, tolong lah saya, Semoga Tuhan membalas kebaikan mu.” Poor menjawab, “Sudah bertahun tahun saya mendengar kata kata seperti itu, tapi masih saja hidup saya miskin seperti ini, maaf saya tidak bisa membantumu.” Lalu Poor pun melanjutkan perjalanan nya.

Love mulai putus asa, dia pun mulai tenggelam, satu tangan nya tidak terlihat lagi berada dibawah air. Time datang menyelamatkan nya. Membawanya ketepian.  Keesokan harinya Love terbangun dari pingsan nya diapun melihat Wisdom dan bertanya, “Siapa yang menolong saya?” Wisdom pun menjawab, “Time lah yang menyelamatkan mu, Dialah satu satunya yang dapat menolongmu dari semua masalah yang kau hadapi.”

Sejak saat itu Love hanya percaya bahwa apapun yang terjadi dalam hidup,  hanya tinggal menunggu Time datang menolong. 

Characters:

1.      Love                                        9.     Feeling

2.      Gold                                        10.   Happiness

3.      Wealth                                     11.   Sorrow

4.      Sadness                                   12.   Regret

5.      Vanity                                     13.  Poor

6.      Sickness                                  14.  Time                    

7.      Beauty                                     15.  Selfish dan jealousy

8.      Depression                              16.  Wisdom